December 9, 2013 § Leave a Comment
Disclaimer for all you politically correct mother lovers, this post is just my opinion from my personal soapbox. I do not intend to represent the opinions of anyone or any group other than myself. I am not Al Sharpton or Jesse Jackson, I am not the voice that you always hear but don’t really want to hear. I’m funnier and better looking.
The question on which this all hinges: Why don’t Asian guys like me? Do Asian men even like (Insert any color but yellow) girls?
There are a few slew of problems with this question depending on how it is asked and who the inquisitor is. I have yet to been asked this by a male so please refer to someone in the LGBT community for a more tailored answer. Now both questions are terrible because you are asking for a blanket statement or answer from a single individual. A great example of something like this backfiring is Bill Cosby’s words towards African-American males in lower economic situations. Bill Cosby is a respected man and has plenty of accolades attached to his character and career, but I personally wouldn’t choose him to represent an apologetic stance for African-American males in terms of modern day racism and prejudice.
I went on a little tangent there, my bad, but no one individual can represent a whole. I mean I would have to kill myself if the voice for young Asian males was Ken Jeong, Bobby Kim, Jeremy Lin, PSY, or even a G-Dragon. It would be even worse if the only voice from people our skin color that you hear is mine. Have mercy God.
Back to the questions at hand. I will admit that seeing an interracial couple is rare, even the more popular White homeboy with the Asian homegirl. Some of the possible explanations could be the difference between being raised with an Eastern influence versus a Western one. From what I have personally experienced, family is definitely more of a focal point in Asian families. So you have to consider the chemistry of the family when a partner of another race is introduced. I have a friend that gets a ton of flack from the family about dating a person of another race, not because of one’s skin color, but because of the obvious communication barrier. This person’s family wants to be able to adequately communicate with their child’s partner. An understandable sentiment.
Luckily for me, my mother speaks fluent English with no accent. Sadly, however, this means that I can never fall back on a Stand-Up comedy career where my fame is sky-rocketed by an impersonation of my mother.
But come on in ladies the water is warm and inviting in the Yi household. Plus I think my mom dates white dudes so no hypocrisy should be expected.
So why don’t Asian guys like you? It’s probably cause you’re not attractive to them. Show some more skin. Just kidding but not kidding.
Do Asian guys even like women of other races? Of course. Attraction is subjective and natural. If you’re not gaining any luck in pinning down your personal Lee Min-Ho then please refer to my previous suggestion of showing more skin.
You also probably need to do a little more studying on the archetypes of Asian males and what they have been exposed to in terms of romance from their point of view. Watch the Dramas, Movies, Music Videos, and subscribe to that Wong Fu channel on YouTube. But basically the nerdy ones always run into the more outgoing popular girls. The badass ones always end up falling for the innocent girl that causes their life to turn upside down. The real secret is just making your attraction known. Go listen to Ron Sexsmith’s or even Feist’s version of Secret Heart and just go tell ‘em.
But really though…do YOU even like Asian men?
Are you really ready to deal with loud in your face mother-in-laws? Are you prepared to learn to not only cook but enjoy the cuisine? Asian-American Thanksgiving isn’t a joke in some households. You have the American-friendly dishes and then you have the very aromatic and weird looking stuff too. If you have children with this Asian person, your kid will have to deal with a whole new host of issues that you or your partner have never faced.
For example…I’m good at basketball and calculus?! Am I team light skin or dark skin? Can I use the N word?
Obviously I’m shying away from explicitly talking about the race issues that will come along from both camps. Discrimination and ignorance is inevitable. But wait, I believe in you, don’t forget that. I sound like Dr. Phil at the end of the show. Ew.
Your child will also probably inevitably attend language school and be smarter than you before the 5th grade. I’m talking AP Rocket Science, what you know about that? Nuffin. The child will also use this ability to be bilingual if not trilingual against you.
My closing remarks.
Love between people is complicated as it is. It is an emotion, an entity, a choice, and a host of other things. Why are we making it harder on ourselves by throwing things that don’t really matter in the mix?
If he likes your or you like him. If she likes you or you like her. Well that’s that.
The real question ya’ll should be asking is what is for dinner? Or who is your favorite Wu-Tang Clan member?
That’s real love.
December 8, 2013 § Leave a Comment
Have you ever been confused as to what you want or maybe you know what you desire, yet, you don’t really want in that moment? If that makes any sense, well, I believe that is my position on dating at the moment. I know that I would love to meet someone that I could commit to and start a family with. I want to be with someone that desires to center their life around Christ’s teachings and not the culture of religiosity that the modern church purveys. I would like to lay in a sea of pillows on a Sunday morning, Ella Fitzgerald style, listening to the records that I’ve collected over the years with you, whoever you may be. I want to buy you small tokens of affection because they reminded me of you. Just not right now.
My only relationship was a long one. I was young, dumb, and naive. I’m thankful for everything and all that I’ve learned, but I know now that I was not in a place to start making decisions based around another person. A couple years later, I’m still not ready and honestly a little scared to really start again. I’m apprehensive and purposely cold. I’m also guilty of becoming a victim of my own shortcomings. Being too scared to take a chance on something because I feel as if that person is too good or too beautiful for me.
But you, you’re a little different. You are interesting to me because I’ve never really met somebody so unafraid to express their feelings in sly coy hiccups of humor. I can’t really put my finger on whether you actually like me, the idea of me, or just the fact that I’m Asian. I’ll forgive you if the reason for your feelings is the last of the three I mentioned, but only if you forgive my blatant cold demeanor towards you. I’m not really like that but it is a good way to keep myself in this state of wanting love but not wanting it now limbo.
Man, this is beginning to sound like a Craigslist Missed Connections post. Don’t ask me how I know. Okay…I have a pretty messed up hobby of reading the personals posts on Craigslist and making fun of them. I know…I should be better person. I’m working on it.
Oh well. Good night.
December 7, 2013 § Leave a Comment
Whenever I think about having children, for some reason, I always imagine a little girl. Now, I’m not planning on have any children in the near future, and to my knowledge I don’t have any…knock on wood. However, I figured that I should probably lay down some fundamental ground rules for the courting of my imaginary future daughter for posterity.
Number one. You will bring me an official transcript as well as letters of recommendation. You will also bring me a copy of all your grades every semester. Don’t even shadow the door if you have less than an A+. My daughter will not associate with a bonehead, pun intended.
Number two. You will not be a vegan, vegetarian, or a hippie.
Number three. You will sign a contract and it will be notarized, agreeing to be my slave. You will be cleaning my sneakers.
Number four. You will have read and adequately comprehended The Bible, The Leviathan, The Principals of Mathematics, Tao Te Ching, and Immortal Technique’s discography.
Number five. You will respect my daughter.
November 13, 2013 § Leave a Comment
I’m not really a Crate Digger. I don’t have an expansive collection of records. Including what I inherited from my parents, I have about three crates worth. I also don’t have anything rare or really too obscure, I’m working on getting some more obscure stuff though, but I do enjoy the process of the hobby.
First, I actually have to find a place to dig. There are plenty of Flea Markets, Pawn Shops, and Antique places with records but they rarely have anything I really want. For example, the first couple of places that I visited only had multiples of Johnny Mathis stuff and Christmas compilations. Now I’m jiggy with Mathis, he has an ill version of A Time For Us that I used to play loud as crap in my room when I was twelve, but it just isn’t what I’m looking for right now.
The people that have the records you want to really get your hands on are usually people with expansive knowledge and don’t have no dollar bin. I actually went to Forest City today cause I got a tip from a guy in a Pawn Shop in Gaffney that there was someone like this in that town. It took a little bit of work but I finally found the guy and definitely had a great time chopping it up with him over Funkadelics and the world of sampling.
Second, digging for records takes you out of that digital world and brings you back into analog reality. I spend a lot of my time through the day on my phone. I’m liking Instagram photos, perusing through people’s twitters, and setting up my fantasy football lineups. Digging forces me to engage in conversations with people and discussing something like music can be very endearing.
It also helps to build and expand my musical library (I know, I’m Captain Obvious!). Because there are often musical acts that never got the light of day due to bad promotion or other kinds of happenstance. So it’s always cool to have someone introduce you to good music that you or anyone else never knew existed. I remember hearing John Mayer say something like this on the Crossroads DVD before Robert Cray started playing.
Then there is the part of the process where you actually listen to the records that you’ve just bought. You bring them home and you start thumbing through them again. The hardest part is trying to decide which one to listen to first. Do you want to listen to the one that you bought because you know you’re going to love it. Today, for me, it was the Jurassic 5′s Quality Control and a Shalamar record. I know that I want to listen to those because I thoroughly enjoy those groups and they are established. But then there is the obscure records that I found in a dollar bin with crazy cover artwork and names I never heard of. Not sharing the names of those records because that is a no-no in our world.
Finally, there is that a-ha moment where you finally find that drum break or sound that you’ve been searching for. Sampling heaven.
Anyways, I’m off to clean up my room and play with Ableton.
Good night beautiful people!
- Mos Def- History (Prod. by J Dilla)
- Dilated Peoples- Kindness for Weakness (Prod. by Evidence)
- MF Doom- Doomsday
- Little Brother- Beautiful Morning (Prod. by 9th Wonder)
- Fabolous- Breathe (Prod. by Just Blaze)
November 11, 2013 § Leave a Comment
I just took a poop, well, at least I think I did. I definitely felt a weight leave me and there was a faint scent of defecation, but no piece of waste in sight inside my porcelain throne.
My first case of a phantom dookie. Gross or interesting?
November 6, 2013 § Leave a Comment
As an amateur writer/blogger and professional human being, I often go through bouts of internal turmoil and I delete all my online content. I did the same thing as a student when I struggled to write coherent and cohesive papers for classes that I was Asian failing. I do the same thing still with my own music and creative content. Maybe it’s the pseudo-science loving something about my unconscious acting out without my conscious’ full permission. See, that doesn’t even make any sense…normally I would scrap this whole paragraph.
So why do I do this? Maybe it’s because I’m not satisfied by the quality of my content. Sometimes it just isn’t good enough. Other times it doesn’t accurately represent who I am. But, does it matter when I have no control over how I’m perceived?
Screw first impressions when people now have the ability to snoop your Facebook, Twitter, IG, Blog, and etc…
So for posterity. This is who I am and really all you need to know about me:
I am Kevin Yi.
People are idiosyncratic. We might share similar ethnic heritages or national ties but we are all individuals built by our own pasts and perceptions. For example, my brother and I have the same father and mother. Besides being really good-looking, him more so than I, we are very different people. He doesn’t really get down with the Hip-Hop and I’m not really jiggy with Musicals.
Okay, that wasn’t a great example. You know what I’m trying to say though.
So from this point on, I’m going to try my best to keep my content as alive as possible. More posts from my heart and not crap that I write just cause it sounds good or will appeal to an online audience that I don’t even care to have. I want my blog to be a culture hub where people like me will come and engage with me. So if you rock dope kicks, read memoirs, don’t get girls but charming like a muthaluva then holla at ya boy cause this is the place for you!
- Allen Stone- Contact High
- Nipsey Hussle- Crenshaw and Slauson (True Story)
- Sharon Jones & The Dap Kings- How Long Do I Have To Wait
- Brandy- I Wanna Be Down (Siik Remix)
- Marvin Gaye- Distant Lover (Live Version)