Lose Weight like Cam’ron. Make dope beats like Chris Brown on Rihanna. And Honor My Father.
- R. Kelly- Step In The Name Of Love (Remix)
- Ghostface Killah- Mighty Deadly
- Lauryn Hill- The Sweetest Thing
- Robin Thicke- Wanna Love You Girl
- Stevie Wonder- For Once In My Life
In my final semester of undergrad, I decided to confront my fears and read some Nietzsche. I bought a copy of “Thus Spoke Zarathustra” and a really nifty bookmark. I read those first hundred pages with the same zeal that a hungry person attacks a Golden Corral Buffet. Ironically, I thought I was filling myself up with scrumptious thoughts and ideas, but I left feeling ill and my body upset.
I was afraid to read Nietzsche because I easily fall into words. I remember reading Goethe’s Faust for the first time and being so charmed my Mephistopheles. I knew that reading this book would be my test in the wilderness. The facing of the temptation to throw away all that I had thought to be true.
That semester, I remember being very mean and condescending. I hurt the feelings of people that I enjoyed and was fond of, I even hurt people without realizing that I had done so. I mean, I’m not very nice to begin with but I was meaner than usual and I attribute it to the words that I was feeding myself.
I know I should have put it down sooner but now I’m facing the temptation to finish reading. I’m going to read it but I hope that I can do it with a guarded heart and mind.
I know…it’s just a book.
I am a church-goer. Meaning, I attend Sunday Morning Services on a regular basis. It helps that I am employed by a church so sometimes it just comes with the territory, but I also consider myself a Christian and ascribe to the ideologies. I believe that there is a God and He created this world. I also believe that there was a dude named Jesus Christ that came to die on behalf of myself and save me from eternal damnation. Other then that, I’m pretty clueless about stuff. I’m sort of versed in the Scripture to a degree, I’m crazy ignorant, but I can cite some stuff to support my personal opinions. Of course, I would assert that the Bible isn’t meant to be used as a tool to prove “rightness” or “wrongness”. I’m sure God desired it to be a tool used to help people understand that He Loves them.
So what am I getting at and what do I want to discuss. Why does it seem that Christians in the United States are either too lackadaisical about their faith and why are some just straight up drinking the Kool-Aid? How come Church, Christianity, and God is synonymous to some with political affairs, socio-cultural relationships, and other stuff?
I’m not very good at math but I did take Calculus in college. I can tell you for sure that this equation below doesn’t really sum up:
Christian = Republican Heterosexual White Male w/ White Collar Job
It also doesn’t really work like this either:
Christian = American Person
I personally think that a Christian is simply a person that desires to follow after Jesus Christ. And He is very different from the type of person that I am. Admittedly, I am ashamed of this. I’ve been a Christian since the 6th grade and rarely have I ever looked like him. I don’t mean this from a physical standpoint, because Jesus probably looked like your average Jewish male if not a person of even darker skin tone. I mean, I have rarely ever looked like Perfect Love. I have rarely ever looked like a person that wanted to help the least of the world. I have rarely ever looked like a person that fed the hungry or visited those in prison.
I have looked like somebody trying to check the boxes, however. For a long time I was drinking the Kool-Aid of Church Culture. I aimed for perfect attendance to all things “Christian”. I regularly went to my Tuesday night Campus Ministry Worship Service. I attended all those “Fellowship” meetings. I played guitar to look cool. I wore TOMS. I listened to obscure Christian music that sounded like shitty-Nashville country pop. I looked like a Pharisee. I looked like a son of a viper.
Being a Christian is very simple in terms of what has to be done. We just need to be better at emulating Christ. Sadly, that means self-sacrifice. Less indulgence. Less of me and more of HIM.
Ever since I took a trip out west a couple years ago, I’ve always wanted to return and make a home in Arizona. I’m aware that it’s hot, but I get a bit of that here in the Carolinas. The biggest difference is the lack of humidity, and that is what really brings the swamp butt troubles. I just enjoyed my time there and the landscape was just perfect for a guy like me. I admit, I will miss the foliage and all the water on the East Coast though. I don’t plan on being there forever but it will be nice to have a change of pace.
I could be wrong though. I could hate it there. It could be just like living here. People are going to be people and I am going to be me. I was thinking about it the other day and every place is going to have a unique problem unto themselves. Here for example, I’m the only me for the most part. It gets lonely not seeing other people like me, people who understand my upbringing, culture, and outlook on life. Eddie Huang really hit the nail on the head with his book and sometimes it’s the only comfort that I have. A struggle that my friends will never understand around here is the lack of acceptance on both ends. Dominant America will always see me as the “Asian”. No matter how much Football I watch or Basketball I play, I will still have funny looking eyes and eat smelly food despite openly enjoying McDonalds or wearing name brand clothing. On the other hand, Koreans from the motherland will never see me as a true Korean. To them, I am American. Even if I cheer for Korea during the Olympics or the World Cup, I’m still a Yankee that just happens to look similar.
I’m not truly accepted anywhere but I still empathize with the situation of both nations. I was amazed as I watched South Korea elect their first female president, I cried when they reached the Semi-finals at the World Cup after not winning a single match in any prior World Cup. The United States is my home, it is the place of my birth. I raise the flag everyday to claim the truth that Carolina Barbecue is better than any other Barbecue found in the world! I grew up on Rock-N-Roll, Motown, and Disco!
But I’m an Expat in my own country.
I’ve also been giving thought to a career. I need one. Where do I go though? Do I continue in my pursuit of Psychology? Do I devote my life to Ministry in Church? Advertising? Own my own Sandwich Shop?
I kind of want to live in the mountain as a recluse.
The snow is coming down and so are my morning poops. I attribute part of it to all the chicken that I ate last night and I bet that extra side of Pulled Pork Nachos didn’t help. Or it could be the coffee that I had this morning. Either way, it wasn’t a pretty sight or smell on that porcelain throne.
Anyways, what am I up to? I’m currently uploading some songs. I was initially going to release a complete beat tape sometime this year as my first public drop, but I decided to give you guys some of my early works. That way you all will know how much I once sucked and hopefully think I suck a little less when you hear my next project.
The first thing I’m uploading is a four track tape called “Easy Listening”. It’s actually a very sucky listen but it is a collection of the first couple beats that I made when I first got Ableton. It’s really pop-y, upbeat, and childlike. When I listened to it again before uploading it, I imagined myself being let loose as child in FAO Schwartz with a sampler. I kind of looked like Gene Belcher from Bob’s Burger with his keyboard. If you don’t like it, you don’t like it, but hey it’s free.
The next couple uploads will be just singular songs that I find interesting. “Breathe” is easily my favorite beat that I made in the past. It’s a Curtis Mayfield sample that hasn’t been killed to death actually. It also shows a little bit of the progress that I had made in slicing and programming. Again it’s free as most of my music will be.
In other news. It is supposed to snow for the next two days. I live in the South and this is a big deal. I went grocery shopping last night just to buy into the whole Snowmageddon-thing and all that was left in that damn bread aisle was stuff with tons of fiber. Where is the white stuff? Crap, I sound like a coke addict. Seriously though, the only brown bread that I can get down with is Pumpernickel.
This past week I also found out that my model crush is in fact a Lesbian. I have no qualms with this except it ruins my daydreams and fantasies. Cara Delevigne, I hope you’re happy. The always close second was Karlie Kloss but I think she got a man too. Maybe it is time to give up on the fantasy of having a high fashion model fall in love with me. I’m not made for that lifestyle anyway, I love burgers and soft drinks too much. Plus I’m not tall so we will always look funny in photos together.
Oh well, that’s it for now.
- Mayer Hawthorne- The Walk
- Sza- Teen Spirit
- Anita Baker- Caught Up In The Rapture
- Azuré- Slow Motion ft. LV
- Travis Garland- Abby Lee
I struggled through work on Saturday. I knew that I had to find sleep as soon as I got off. I would forego dinner and just try to attain slumber. So I purchased some maximum strength sleeping pills and did not obey the instructions on the label.
I liberally consumed some of these pills and turned on my slumber playlist, mostly comprised of Marvin Gaye B-sides.
An exact twelve hours later, I am here to say that I am completely satisfied with my decision. I’ve treated myself to some Bojangles breakfast to really show the world how I happy I am with myself.